I’m having one of those days where I want to punch a few people in the face. Number one, stay out of it. (this is about one person) I’m told to stay out of your business… Good, stay out of mine. I don’t care who the hell you are in that persons life. What I say to that person should not goddamn concern you when it has NOTHING to do with you. Understand, hon? Number two, (this is about a completely different person) I know when I’m wrong and I admit when I’m wrong. You on the other hand… don’t. You are a know it all. You can’t help it. Seriously… just shut up. Please, shut up. Listen to what another person has to say for once. If I didn’t listen to you… my god… I would probably get the wrath of you, lmao. It’s ridiculous. Number three, I love you to death. I truly do…. but if you say one more goddamn time that everything is about me and that I get all the attention in the world…. I’m going to punch you. I loathe attention, actually. You wouldn’t know that though because I can’t talk to you. How can I when you never listen? You’re extremely judgemental. You don’t even realize that with some of the things you say that you hurt my feelings. The fact that you even think of me in a negative way hurts my feelings. Of course I can never say anything because you would… like I said… be judgemental. I really am just done. I’ve realized I have no one I can just talk to about things. Well… maybe one… and that happened recently. Otherwise… no one. I’m just done with the bullshit and the drama. Life is short. I am done. I’m over it. Just ASHROAHROIHQEWOFKJSBVFJADGSIFHORQWHRFHKJADSBCNMAVFJGA
I’ve been told I should be a model by a few people… do you agree? I wouldn’t even know how to make it in the industry… and I apparently would count as a plus size model. I don’t mind though =P I won’t have people criticize me on my size.
I hate being a negative person…. but it’s a natural thing that comes to me. I’m just not having a good week. Better yet…. a good few years, lol. I haven’t really had many positive things happen to me over the years. Of course it doesn’t help that I’m a negative person… but come on. Really? I have such bad luck when it comes to dating. I barely have any positive people in my life except for some friends and family. I barely trust anyone…. so maybe that’s why I have such bad luck when it comes to friends and dating? Who knows? I’m sorry for bitching to whoever actually reads my blog… which I’m guessing is not many or none… but I REALLY need to bitch. You don’t understand. I REALLYneed to bitch. I’m having one of those weeks where I need to throw things and scream (that sounds really overdramatic, lmao), but I highly doubt it would work. Maybe boxing would help? I’ve been thinking about boxing. I need something to get my anger out. Gr… Anyway… sorry to anyone who actually reads this.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just start dating girls. I swear there are no decent guys out there…. and if there are… I haven’t met any yet. This is why I don’t plan on dating again for a while. I personally don’t care about the sex of the person I date. You could be a guy or a girl. It’s not like I’m attracted to one more. To me… you’re just a person. Literally all I want in a relationship is honesty, trust, someone who has a sense of humor, and to just be a nice person. I couldn’t care less about looks. Just GR. I may just end up being a lonely cat lady. Eh, whatever. What can I do? >.<
Recently I realized that when a guy ‘likes’ me I automatically assume that he either doesn’t, that he’s playing me or I’m just not pretty enough (or enough in general) for him. Am I really that self conscious where I believe it or is it actually true? I’m wondering.
I’ve never really been able to write down how I feel or talk to many people about how I feel. Either no one will read this or a tiny amount will… so… who cares? LOL, oy. When I was in middle school I had a group of friends who I talked to about everything… and even then that group was very few people. Half of that group I barely trusted as it is. Then my anxiety just all of a sudden got worse in 8th grade. I was there for every single one of them when they had problems and all of a sudden none of them were there for me. I thought I had trust issues then… oh no… I barely did now that I think about it. I don’t know how to explain it… The only word that comes to mind is lonely. I felt alone. It was one of the most horrible feelings you could possibly feel. I felt numb and lonely for the longest time after that. Sometimes I still do. And sometimes I get angry about it or my anxiety that I just want to scream and throw things. Maybe if I did just once it would help? Lol, I don’t know? Eh…. recently I started talking to girl I was friends with then. She was the only genuine friend I had before we stopped talking. We started talking and it felt like old times. I’m hoping that’s a good thing. She was and still is like a sister to me no matter what. I love the girl to death. So… for all I know she could possibly help me a bit? Thank god I have my amazing friends and family who understand… for the most part =P I love you guys <3
